Goddammit

Ok this is just a random rant but is there any guys on the planet that want anything more than just a quick fuck?? I mean yes of course I want sex but damn I figured there were at least some guys on this earth that wanted more than that I guess I’m dumb or just don’t get it I mean when I was a guy I was always looking for a relationship I mean it’s just getting really old going out with a guy having a good time and then letting him hit it then nothing for days or even months lol then a random booty call which i ALWAYS answer and despite my better judgement then nothing again for another few weeks lol I just want a guy just one to want to be with me not just in me lol which I mean being in me comes with the territory of being with me so yea dammit it’s soo complicated to find a guy for me cause I’m trans an ugly trans girl I know it it’s cool though I WONT stop looking until I find it lol but I’m such a crazy ass or maybe an ugly crazy ass I can’t find a guy to want me I mean gd sex is great and all but I’m not in it for sex I’m in it for that one special person that one guy who wants to marry me and make an honest woman out of me lol but yea that’s where I’m at rn little diary being a guys or several guys booty call unfortunately I fear that’s the only thing I’ll ever be ? oh well I’ll survive it I mean I’m like a cockroach in that I can’t ever die lol at least that’s my current experience lol anyways little diary I need help like mentally lol well I need a man lol but now we are back to that lol oh well I’ll enjoy eternity alone I guess lol